i know why you’re crying
i know where you are tonight
you’re not alone
you don’t have to try
you know i can hear him, calm down
cause i found out,
that you are living a lie
oh..if you want to… don’t call it.. oh if you want to..
oh.. if you want love,
if you want, don’t call it, don’t call it love,
don’t call it, don’t call it love
oh, if you want love, well don’t call..
i wish you would have my pain now,
that you were here tonight
you know what, never mind
and if you want to find me, ill be out
you say you love me
well, i guess that makes this alright
oh..if you want to, don’t call it.. oh if you want to..
oh.. if you want, love,
if you want, don’t call it, don’t call it love, don’t call it, don’t call it love
oh, if you want love, well don’t call..
it’s in your eyes, i’ve seen it all a million times.
it’s in your eyes, i know i’m nothing like you are.
there’s the bioluminescent lighting you wanted, cradling the stage, but you are uninvited, in fact, i’m quite certain you’d like it that way. it was the moment the lasers pointed my way, the chill in the air, the derision of the sweating symmetry that swayed one way, then another, that took over me, when i had no other. there’s the tone, that’s the melody, too bad you couldn’t sing, you’d let me have the spotlight, knowing all to well my eyes blind; only for you. there’s the white dress, there’s the sound of success, not that it matters, why should it? what’s skin, what’s bone? what’s direction? you should go.
under the sun, a bottle of rum, my guitar, our thumbs catching the air, it’s all ours.
under the sun, let’s stick out our tongues, get a taste of the warfare, leave our taste in the air, let the butterflies have it, let the birds, let the bees, let the vultures have their fun.
leave our corpses, leave our battles, leave our vanity, leave our wisdom, leave our company, leave our names, leave our families, leave our histories.
let us become.
under the sun, share your cigarette, lend me your hair, let’s hide underground, let’s spit that taste from our mouths, the neon lighting, the digital dancing, the parties on fridays, the concerts on sundays, the stages that collapse and eat us whole
on with the show.
under the sun, lend me your glasses, let me see from your violence, let me hold open the peace you hold in your gun, hold on, bend me lower, break my back, take my lungs, do you breathe better that way? my fingers are foreign, they speak without tongues, look at the concert, i can’t see a thing from here, but look at the concert, no music, but i’m sure the song goes on.
under the sun, did you hear what they’re saying? i couldn’t catch a single word, leave your sneakers in the dirt, your toenails are missing, the devil and his work, crawl open the pavement, crush hard with your waiting, make sure you don’t leave a single drop.
under the sun, your laughter, your charm, your age showing me how much you haven’t done. i’m reaching out my arms, i’m breathing you in, closer, and closer still. you aren’t real, and i don’t want you to ever take form, don’t you ever crawl into that skin, remain a taste, a figment, a vagrant, a pair of eyes staring from the dark, telling me i’m not who we are.
Happy birthday older brother, it won’t be long until i can ease the burden you’ve carried within all these years. You’ve always been the funny one, the one i looked up to growing up for being able to be the center of attention in any room you walked into. Without your blood, I would not have survived my first days of life. WIthout your sacrifices I would not be able to write this tonight, words shared with strangers, words i’ll probably repeat after I play you that song you like so much. I bought some wine tonight, your favorite: red. Mom will be there, your son, your loving wife, I can see the skies are missing within when I look in your direction. Now it seems you’d rather keep to the corners, perhaps age does that to man, as youth tries to conquer the world and the world keeps turning, leaving one turned into self instead. It won’t be long, and you will tell your stories again, and I will bask in the sunlight of your aura, so will mother, so will your son, so will all of them.
“This is a perfect illustration of how monotheistic religions completely revolve around narcissism and self-centered ideals. They promote a personal relationship with god which completely undermines a humble life perspective. There are 6 billion people living on earth and hundreds of billions of stars in the Milky Way Galaxy and hundreds of billions of galaxies in the observable universe, but no, god wants to have a personal relationship with ME. God favors ME so that’s why I got an A on my final exam or why I’m stuck here in traffic instead of dead in a car crash. IMO, such a short-sighted and egotistical way to look at one’s existence. This conceited view blinds individuals to the reality of the world and creates an intangible, empty, illusory existence.”
two mouths open
one heart closed
where to go from there
the tommy gun blows
hurry hurry hurry
i think it’s time for the show
oh, you weren’t listening
i really didn’t know
oh well, two mouths open
one heart disowned
but who needs another
when you’re the only one with clothes.
we were playing with paper guns down the street. i shot you, you shot me. and so the games began until our blood was blue. you caught me, i caught you. i was floating on the highway just this afternoon. afraid of getting old. you know, you either die young or you live long enough to act like a child again. i can’t breathe, can you?
it’s getting quiet in heaven
i feel like a whore
i used to be right above em
now we fuck on the floor
im starting to remember
why i’m never alone
my throne is somewhere reckless
a happy place in hell
and i don’t call for protection
i don’t call home
the only way to forget yeah
is to sell your soul
every night there’s a party
every day there’s a show
i don’t want somebody
i just like the control
the type to make you nervous
the type to make you wet
i don’t do it for nothing
this is who I am
i don’t lack the courage
i just don’t have the time
to be lying
to be shy
to be kind
to be blind
got some money
lets get high
i don’t mind
i had kicked her out, she broke her phone on the floor as the monster inside tried to devour me with eyes that tried their hardest to transform this tiny, beautiful muse into a sultan whose demands to remain my punisher, my lover, my sympathy, my agony be adhered to. A mixture of confusion, love, lust, hatred, pity, denial made for a photograph sharp with still life. Like portraits with only tears to suggest a sign of life remained. I didn’t know what i was doing, but i had to free myself by letting someone i love go. As we drove through industrial playgrounds and deserted islands we played with the skirt of great mysterious women who looked thoughtfully down on their adopted children. I can’t recall if we even shared a word, i remember floating through suffocating clouds of regret to come home, try on my new leather jacket, pierce a hole where the heart is, look in the mirror, smile, and know that true romance exists.
a reason to smile? a reason to hug each other?
we certainly don’t need a reason to fuck. drink. or take a hit.
do we need?
perhaps, in order to pay rent that’s overpriced no matter which box you hide in.
you also need to eat
don’t forget those leather boots you want, the white jeans: high quality.
what about that car that’s supposed to talk for you?
alright, so to take care of that I guess we’ll need to give in just a bit. So let’s get a job.
oh man, not an office, not a supermarket! definitely not the garbage!
we’ll find something, we always do.
Now we’re digging away, gathering dust.
But there it is, the loft, the coffee machine, the big screen tv, those leather boots, the white jeans: high quality.
what did we want again?
now we want time to do what we really love to.
we’ll stretch our nights a bit longer, but now we’re not so full of life which art requires.
damn that boss of yours, damn those leather boots, those white jeans; death quality.